Advent Day One | Unprepared

Today is the first Sunday of Advent, and I am unprepared. 

That's a lie. I am not just unprepared. I am resistant.

My year has been marked by death, loss, grief, uncertainty, pain, confusion, anger, and deep disappointment. I am hurting. Those I love are hurting. The world is hurting. And Advent, Advent with its joyful and earnest anticipation and hopeful expectation and longing for Jesus to arrive in human flesh is here. And, with it, so is Advent, with its consumerism and false sentimentality and cheerfulness and distractions and all of that stuff too. 

One of my favorite phrases is "I have no f* left to give." I know some view it as vulgar and off-putting, but it's a life goal of sorts. It doesn't mean that I don't care (most of the time). It means that I have a choice about how to spend my limited energy. It stands for ownership of that truth. It stands for purposefulness. It reminds me to care deeply about what I have decided matters and to, well, to f* the rest. 

Today is the first Sunday in Advent, and I am unprepared and resistant. But I know - I know - that making my way through the season giving a f* (about those things that truly matter) is the only way to live. 

My friend alerted me to #fuckthisshit An Advent Devotional (thanks Amanda!) and it is everything I needed and wanted in a devotional this Advent. Here goes nothing.

Advent Day One | F* | Matthew 24:36-44

"Keep awake therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming."

Keep awake is hard to hear. Because, I, like so very many of us, am tired. I am physically tired. I am emotionally tired. I am psychologically tired (is that a thing?). I am tired in all the ways that someone can be tired. And, a small part of me wants to sleep in the face of all that is wrong with the world. There have been times this year that I have tried my hardest to shut down and to tune out. But, I couldn't. Because, in the midst of it, there was Love. Hope. Friendship. Stubbornness. Faith. Family. Beauty. Ugliness. Anger. Laughter. Need. I couldn't fall asleep. I still can't. Because, I see. I feel. I hope. I know that I belong to you, just as you belong to me. We belong to each other. And, I cannot sleep and pretend that you aren't waiting there for me to wake up and get to work. 

You know, scripture tells us, “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

So my friends, let us have faith in each other, let us not grow weary, let us not lose heart, for there are more seasons to come. And there is more work to do.

-Hillary Clinton